If I die...

Please celebrate my life like they do for IZ at 2:45 in this song.
I've always wanted to be cremated and poured into the ocean.
Let no one be sad.

it started a bad morning

THIS IS A STICKER I DREW FOR A FRIEND I MET IN PHI PHI ISLAND

"Sunsets, oceans and mountains hold memories"

It started a bad morning.

I woke up with a nose bleed.

And then I had to trip my way to the toilet

and afterwards I cried hysterically for 10 minutes.

It was a bad morning, but let me tell you that I needed a damn good cry.

I was feeling bad. 

Not only did I just want to be better, but I wanted to be at home.

My real home. My home, home. Canada. 

Where there are no mosquitos that will give you Dengue Fever...

ha. At least not yet, thank goodness. 

So, after I had a good cry I passed out for the rest of the morning.

And then I spent the rest of the day with the shades open

listening to all my favourite old songs, like Somewhere Over the Rainbow by IZ

and Hyperballad by Bjork.

I cried again sometime before dinner, but I'm feeling better now.

In fact, I'm definitely happier. 

Everyone needs a good cry. It's been a while since I've cried.

I deserved it today. 

And now, I'm going to eat breakfast for dinner.

YUM. 

:D

I am just a small drop in this ocean, but I am still precious.

Oh how we humans take so much for granted.

After 3 days of not eating and seeing nurses, doctors and the back of my eyelids

I was so happy to be away from airports and strangers and in the comfort of my bed.

And finally I could eat! A piece of barbecued chicken has never tasted so amazing.

The leaves and the grass have never looked so green. 

Everything smells so strong... not necessarily a good thing for bad smells or strong scents.

I can feel my heart beating, My dreams are vivid. I dream of people I haven't seen in years.

Is this what happens when you think you're going to die?

But I am alive! 

Even how weak I feel. Even though I can barely stand up in the shower..

Or hold myself up or turn without feeling dizzy and nauseous...

I can still breath! I am here! Thank goodness!

I am so lucky!

I need to hug so many people!

I said to myself.. better me that got Dengue Fever 

than someone who may not have been strong enough.

It is certainly life changing.

I have had many, many strangers help me on this trip

and so I am lucky to have been helped all the way through to make sure that I got home safe.

My angels were watching. 

They always are. 

Thank you. 

Thank you.

Thank you.

On Phi Phi Island
While eating at the only Indian restaurant

Again on Phi Phi Island
In the dorm room

fun in the sun

I suppose it's Day 4 or 5? in Thailand... days blend in together when there is no real sense of time. I even forgot what day of the week it was. The other day was cloudy but I spent the later part of the morning sitting on the chair outside and reading a book. I witnessed a couple fighting as they went up the stairs in front of my room. I mean, they were fighting, like grappling. A physical fight.. no punches thrown, but all I could think to myself, was jeez, it's Thailand, it's beautiful, what is there to fight about? I went and lay on the beach with my friend around 4p.m., while he could get away from work. Let me stop to mention that mosquitoes are swarming me right now. I'll type quick. Anyway, after laying there in the peacefulness of ocean waves and breezes, we went and shared the most amazing chicken green curry dish at this little alley restaurant called Papaya. It was just the right kind of spicy and the vegetables were so fresh. Afterwards I met up with my Canadian friends and we hung out and talked... I really can't tell you much after that.

Yesterday morning I woke up a bit earlier. We went back to that beach and it was much sunnier. The ocean seemed bluer and greener. Normally I do my best to avoid the sun, but this time I allowed myself to soak in it fully for probably 2 hours, and then I swam in the ocean. It was sooo refreshing and by the end of it I actually got a tan. At some point in our relaxing beach time, we got invaded by Chinese people with shirts that read 'I love Emerson'. There were like 6 boatloads that pulled up right where we were swimming and for about 10 minutes there was a constant out pour of people. Very loud people. Sigh. Time to end the peace and move on to breakfast.

For some reason I actually don't eat much in Thailand. I don't get as hungry. I went from eating like 15 times a day to 2. I feel so much healthier though. It's odd. I eat the most amazing foods though, one favourite being these coconut donuts, the pad thai, this chicken avocado salad, thai lettuce wraps, veggie springrolls and of course the chicken green curry. Anyway, I ended up hanging out in the room for a bit before I decided to go meet my Canadian friends on the other side, where the busy beach is. It turned from amiable chatter, to 3 buckets of booze later... literally buckets filled with Singha, Red Bull and Coke Zero. We were rolling in the ocean having an impromptu photo shoot as the sun was setting. I think we got loads of amazing photos and we laughed our heads off, piling sand on top of each other until the darkness took over. I returned to my room after to take a shower before heading back to the Banana Bar for dinner.

For dinner we were served two shots before our food because Ghana scored and then Australia scored. I'm sure you know the World Cup is happening right now. I think we were all exhausted from the sun and the buckets, that after eating we pretty much moved like snails up and down a bass-thumping beach and then we called it a night.

Today... Today was rainy and cloudy. I met the Canadians again, their last day and we had breakfast by the beach and did a bit of shopping. I think today was more of a lazy Sunday and since neither of us slept very well we all headed back to our rooms. I don't know about them, but my siesta turned into a 5 hour sleep.

I just woke up and I'm back at the Banana Bar blogging now. I think I'll be heading to Phuket town tomorrow or the next day to visit my friends mom whom I have never met. It should be fun and interesting.. but for now I think I better get back to the human world.