I can feel when it comes. Lately I start to enjoy it because I know.
It's not really me, but it is... a little angry part of me that will never fully die. It's the little corner of the well that never fully ever saw the sun. I embrace it now. It gives me a certain strength and a certain confidence. Because I don't care when I'm this way. Perhaps this is what I need to balance.The part of me that was outspoken, with attitude that just didn't even give a fuck. Why should I? Who actually did? All these fake fucks walking around acting like they care. All the stupid half ass conversations we have with our heads so far up in the clouds and up our ass that we don't even listen anyway. So what would it matter? I can feed off the fuel for a while. I know this is not who I am when I feel this way. I know that I can feel this way. I know that I won't feel this way for very long. So it will pass. I can bury the dark hole when I'm done. For now, I'm just digging. I'm digging and digging and watching it fill with dead bodies. Dead parts of my happy little self that care what people think and feel. I'm happy not to care sometimes. It's exhausting being nice and smiling all the time. I'm a girl. I've been given one week or so to sink low, low, low so that I can appreciate the high. Life reminds me to put my pleasures in perspective. It shakes me up a bit. So I can experience new things and so I can keep learning how to conquer my Self.
