I AM MAILYNE

I feel too much. I have days where I feel like I can't stand being around people. Anyone. I have days where I feel like being a mute. Or a deaf. So I don't have to speak anything, or hear anything. What I hear makes my heart cringe and my soul wince briefly before the water flows it off me. The dirtiness. I feel like I can't stand who I am around words that don't mean anything, or conversations that are so... shallow. I feel like I can't relate, that even if I just "be", it is too... different. I am then considered, "upset", "cold", "judgmental." I feel like I need the silence. And I feel like I need to be alone. I feel like I need to listen to people because no one really knows how to listen. I feel like I want to shake people and tell them to wake up. I feel like I need to listen to myself. And remember that nothing that anyone says really matters. That nothing in the end will really matter, except for the things that brought me happiness. And the things that I never tried to do. I feel like I am so full of love, with constant battles of my past inner demons. I feel like my demons can win on days where I am so exhausted, spent, from listening, from creating, from... being. I feel like I see the best in people, and the worst in myself so I am constantly seeking to improve. I feel like even though I see the best in people, they can irritate me when they can't see the best in each other or in themselves. I feel like we waste so much time caring about all the wrong things, about all the wrong people. I feel like we don't understand anything. Like I don't understand anything. I feel like being in the bushes, far away from everyone. But then I feel like I will stop growing and learning. Because everyone is my teacher.
I feel like sleeping.