Dear Mommy

I am sorry that we can not be together like you all want us to be.
It breaks my heart to see you cry. It breaks my heart to see everyone cry.
In the past couple of days I have seen more tears fall than I could have expected.
And so that is how it is. The lost souls. 
All trying to find  happiness. 
Dearest mommy, I just wanted to come home to see everyone smile.
I wanted to know just who I was and where I came.
And I see struggles. Everyone battling their inner selves.
Everyone battling each other. 
Where are we when we need each other? When will we stop running?
I am torn in between the beauty of this world.. and the ugliness that it tries to hide.
All at the same time. There is no paradise. It is all an illusion, mother.
It is all just bullshit lies. But I don't care. 
I will be blissfully ignorant until I break.
Until I cave into my insides and break down. And cry along with the rest of  you.
So that our tears make oceans together. And even if we are drowning...
At least it will be as one. 

Writing out my heart

It bleeds for you.
When I see you spending this money you don't even have on jewelry.
On jewelry you hope to sell in order to make more money.
My heart is drowning knowing that you dig your own grave.
And you just don't give a fuck.
About anyone. Not even your own loved ones. Not even your kids.
What are you doing in this life?
Who is it that you are trying to live it for?
Your illusory self?
Lost in the delusion that money is everything.. thinking, believing, feeling that without it you are nothing?
But you put on this mask and cast your own role as the lady with riches and nothing to show.
Nothing to show for it. Just empty walls. And colourless shoes collecting dust.
And big eyes looking up at you, wondering where are you going Mommy?
When will you come home?