a letter unsent

It was never my dream. Although I do know I asked for it. Every experience that happens is because I wished for it to be that way.
Every thing I've ever gone through is because I am strong enough to overcome it. It is because I wanted to know what it was like to experience all things, and because I wanted to know how to feel and how to feel deeply with all of my heart. I wanted to grow, and I wanted to build myself up stronger than I've ever been before. I wanted to rise up and tell myself I could do it, even if I had to do it on my own. And now, I have asked myself to have courage. I have asked myself to be honest with myself and with others and so now the time is come that I can not avoid it anymore. The moment is upon me and although there will be many opportunities, I can not hold on anymore. I can see it in myself if I am to stay, that day by day my spirit will die. What is best for me, will not always be the best for others but I can not be afraid to do what is best for me because it is not the best for others. Hasn't that been my whole life? Always trying to do what might be best for others? Even if it hurts me in the process? Haven't I always set myself aside...
No.. I think about it now and I realize I wasn't as afraid before. I left and came back and left and came back. I will always have a life here, I am sure of it. So why have I been so afraid now? Attachment. Disappointment.
Over the years I have grown. I have changed and I have become more aware. I will never be able to replace these years that have passed me. I will always remember them. I see so much good that has happened, but I know that feeling when it comes.
The feeling of the desire to spread my wings... to fly and to see just what else this grand world has to offer me.
And I know, it will happen more than this one time. It happens many times.
I have just forgotten, but I will not be afraid.