que sera, sera

I have come to terms with the fact that I am uncertain of my direction. I am okay with not knowing, because really... there is nothing I can do about it right now. Right now I can do A, B and C... all the way down the alphabet until I get to Z. Which may take a couple of years anyway. When I think about all of that future stuff it makes me realize how silly it is. Like a friend of mine once said, "you can plan all you want to, but sometimes Life changes your plans for you." I think she said something like that. Regardless, it is true. Such is life. What can we do about it except appreciate everything we have right now. I have everything I could ever want. What makes me think otherwise, is my beautiful and cruel twisted ego, which I am working very hard at trying to shut up. And one more thing, in order for one to move into the future, one must first let go of their past. I will be doing this tomorrow and I will cry my precious little brains out until all of my horrible memories, traumas, failures and cruelties to other beings is no longer locked away. And once they are all out in the open with my bleeding heart soaked in tears, I will take them and burn them. I will thank them for being a part of me once, for making me and shaping me into who I am now, and I will tell them that they are no longer welcome in my head as negativity or depression. If they happen to return begging for me to feel their pain, I will simply smile at them and say, "no thank you.. I have already turned your pain into strength."