lasting impressions

can you feel it raining inside?
no matter how warm and sunny it is outside, it is cold in here. I am surrounded by four walls and my own imagination. The world here changes and is run off of gossip which I try to avoid... but sadly I can not. I am more upbeat to following my dreams and I feel high from sailing through the storm. I realize I can not avoid art. That is who I am. I am an artist. I am also everything else in between. I am 25, and I am also a 2 year old. I am not anything older than what my soul is. Frantically we try to all be something. I do too. I know it is futile because what I want is also something I fear to become. I want to be successful, but I must fight not to become a wealthy, cranky, ill-spirited story of success. I want to be bright-eyed and happy and kind and full of stories to tell my grandchildren.. to inspire them to try anything they want without fear. I said I would leave here with more confidence and I said I would be less fearful. Truthfully, I will always have that scared, shy individual in me to keep me humble. To keep my head small and to force me to try continuously. I tell you each time I  hold that camera that I am that camera. I am the thing that captures moments. Because when I am old I will want to recreate those. I will want to be young and I will want to be every age again. We do nothing but want. I can live with that. That is how we stay in this moment... it is how we are. I think goats feel that way too. I think when I give them an apple core, they want more too. Just because of how juicy and delicious it is. Especially on a hot, summer day. A hot, endless summer.