a mighty heart of garbage

So this morning we went to the Mandaue Landfill for the third time since we've been in the Philippines. Ify came with us for the first time. We got picked up happily by Tata and his son Philip and nephew JB who decided to come along. All of us made our way to the landfill with our packages eager to make another appearance with gifts. Little did we know just what we had in store.



You know when you arrive at the landfill because you can't miss it by the smell. It is enough to have your head spinning, but this time around was shocking. I've never seen it so... full of garbage. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but as my friend put it, judging by our previous pictures the landfill appeared to be livable and decently civilized. This time the paths were covered, mounds of garbage surrounded us on all sides and the houses we were trying to visit were not visible at all. Tata climbed on top of his jeepney to see if the houses were on the other side still.. sure enough they were. The kids working at the landfill were eager to be our guides. So we followed them pile over pile, our shoes getting covered with tar and muck and off we went in search of the usual families. But alas, they were nowhere to be found. Some were either off working or gone to church. Well, that's nice.

We did manage to find a few families, so after we loaded up the children with presents we handed out the remaining home by home. I felt sad that we didn't have more. I stood next to one of the women as her newest born baby pooped and peed in her arms. I watched as the flies immediately swarmed her. Why didn't I bring more towels or diapers or something for the babies? There are so many kids here and my clothing wouldn't fit them... yet at least. I watched as a few kids ran around naked by the garbage. I thought, why do they live here? What would it be like to grow up in a landfill? How do they get treated? A few mothers try to send their kids to school with their fathers collecting garbage, but how much do they have to collect? How do they feed themselves? My heart grew heavy knowing just how much garbage we create, how much food we consume and how much we take for granted everyday. I don't hear a word of complaint from them and I hear endless bitching, moaning and groaning from people who have everything. What a strange world.

We waved good-bye to the mother and the children as we boarded our jeepney and left the landfill. It's an experience I told myself, but it's a heart-breaking one. They choose to live this way, I thought to myself, but it's crazy. I can barely stand an hour in the landfill and there are people who live every single day that way. It's insane. I know there are squatters everywhere and some have chosen much more nicer places to live. Don't they realize how bad it is for their health? What about the kids? How do they shower? We got them toothbrushes with no soap or water. Sigh. Does it even make a difference what we do? I wish I could have done more. I wish I could have given more. But when you see their faces, it is their way. They don't know any other way, and in their hearts they don't believe there is another way for them. It is their home. It is their work. It is their life. And I am no one to judge them or change their opinion.

I just fell in love with Haji Springer

So I'm on this new tip because of iJustine. He's Haji Springer - THE Indian rapper doing his thang... I like just about any kind of music, but I'm rooting for this Indian rapper to stay in the game and not just be a new fad. Well, even if this song is his biggest hit... I wouldn't mind. Sorry guys, if you don't like this song, but I can't help it. Maybe you should watch iJustine dancing in the Apple store.

Gift Giving Season

It's about that time. It's almost Christmas time and like most people, I generally think about giving presents. Why? Because we were conditioned to and that is part of our culture on both sides of the world. Thankfully my family understands the real meaning of Christmas and that is to be grateful that we have each other. When we were younger of course we did the presents thing and in a small way we still do, but what I love the most is knowing I can go home and be completely warm and comfortable with them.



This weekend is my second last weekend here in the Philippines. I almost made it all the way to Christmas to celebrate with my family here in the Philippines, but there will be another year and hopefully all of my sisters can be there with me. Having family is a blessing which some are not so fortunate to have. 


I have managed to package at least 24 gifts for the families at the landfill. Altogether we spent roughly 1000php or $20 and we are able to give at least 24 gifts. I think that's pretty special. Although it won't be Christmas day, I want it to seem like it. Kyle and I bought toothbrushes, toothpaste, toys and stickers and I wrapped those items together with all of our donated clothing, purses, shoes and hats. The pile is mighty big, and apparently we have a few more people donating. Our trip back to the landfill will be our third time. We plan on going this Sunday, November 21st, which just so happens to be Fiesta. My mom here celebrates fiesta in commemoration of our dad. His birthday was the 22nd. Well dad, despite not remembering you... this one is for you.


The beauty of giving to the families at the landfill is because no matter what it is, they are appreciative of it. I don't need all of these clothes. Most of them are clothes I brought over and never even wore the whole year I've been here. Most are items, we've already spent time with and know that giving it to the families in the landfill would generate more happiness for them than it would ever generate for us. And that is the point of it all... to generate a little happiness. It is a two way street because by giving, it brings us happiness. I believe that these strong people probably deserve these gifts more than anyone else I could think of.


This weekend I will also be visiting the Albert Schweitzer Orphanage in Cordova. A few people from my old work are going to do a concert there on the 4th of December and I am sad I won't be able to make it. So I decided I would have to be there in spirit. This Saturday I will be teaching a few of the young boys how to mix paint and we'll be decorating the puppet stand where the hosting will take place from. Yes, the host of the concert is a puppet. How ADORABLE! See? See why I'm sad I won't be witnessing this?


Anyway, with this I've put together 70 small gifts for the kids which include a box of crayons, a notebook, a sticker and a love note. These are children who don't have families and who only have each other. It's the least I could do, and I feel it's very little. In my mind I wish I could have done more for these kids and for the landfill during my time here. I really wanted to open a center here for children who can't afford to go school and teach them everything creative. I never did that... but now I understand more of what it needs.

My plan for the future is to go back to Canada and save enough money so that I can come back here and spend almost all of my time with children all over the country for at least 2-3 months. In their summertime (April-June) children have nothing to do, which would be good for the center to exist so that children could have a place to hang out and learn. But during the weekends, I could also visit other children and bring the art to them. Children like at the Children's Village. Children in my community, children who have been molested by their families, children at the orphanage, the landfill and on the streets. There are so many possibilities here to help. There is more of a need for it here. 


Someone once told me that God created me with these blessings because I would give back. I was blessed with these talents so that I could also share with others. I won't forget that. I have been blessed with the knowing both sides of the world. I have been blessed with the experience of having nothing and having everything. I know what it's like to be a child who is unloved and abused. Sharing love with children is important to me, and despite all of my other dreams I want to accomplish, I must never get too side-tracked. I do have a greater purpose. In me there is a wild child who I must invest my time and love into, because she is the one that gives back. 

So... Santa baby, will you help me save enough money to come back and bring creativity to the children?

words..

Words are like pictures in the sense that you can look at a picture and find many different meanings. When you write something or read something it may not have the same meaning for you as it would for someone else. The writer may also have meant something differently. When you write, you write with a tone in your head. It's your personal voice. When someone reads what you write, they read what their voice is reading. Do you understand? We can't take words so seriously, or too personally. They are after all just words and it is beautiful that just like a picture, words can mean so many different things to different people. It is how it becomes everyone's.

confessions of a psychopath

My time here is ending. In fact 13 days and counting. What if I never wanted to leave? All this time I went back and forth between staying here or going back. And now that it's almost time, I falter in my step. Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? And why is that always the question anyway. I could scrape out my insides right now for tearing up my mind. If someone were to take the images out of my mind during this moment, they would be scared. Yes, at times I really believe I am mental. Perhaps I am empty. Well, if I was empty, I would be more at peace. The honest fact is that I have many demons, as you must know if you read this completely pointless blog of mine. We all do. They say in order to battle your demons you must keep yourself busy. I must have a lot because I always want to be doing something. I am always doing something. I work when I should relax and when I relax I feel guilty. I want to go back and then I don't. I want to snowboard and then I want to kite surf. Who gave me these choices in the first place? There are always two sides. Yes, I know I am blessed. I am blessed because I have had experiences that gave me lessons that few are privileged to learn. I have gone to hell and back on my own accord and yes, I am blessed for being able to have that option. That choice. That feeling of knowing. But there are always two sides. What if I never knew what that was like? Sometimes knowing and having experiences can really screw your mind up. It distracts you from your purpose and you always are unsatisfied. Stupid miserable artist.