thank you death

I know, I know. 
We weren't going to talk about this.
Death isn't something we're supposed to talk about.
But how about nearly dying?
I just mean that I was lucky. 
One that I'm healthy and I'm happy.
Two, that my mind is changed. 
I'm feeling so different lately.
I care less about trivial things. I care more about my passions.
Shouldn't we know that lesson already?
Shouldn't we all just be living life one day at a time?
I worried about the future a lot. 
I can still... but... this time I stop myself.
I can only live today. That is all I can do for myself.
Do what I can today. Small things that can possibly lead to big things.
But the important thing is just what you do today.
That's it. 
That's all that near death wanted to teach me. 
I will never forget now. Thank you.

fingernails tap on plastic

I like writing. Do you?

I wouldn't really like to think of this as writing. In a way it is. 

It's typing. Typing is different from writing. 

I write in my sketchbook. Do you find that odd? That I would write in a sketchbook?

Aren't words drawings anyhow?

Let me interrupt myself here. 

I find when people do something they were normally meant to do, 

like sit up straight... it can look rather odd. 

Moving on. 

I've decided that I talk too much.

I decided I like being with my family because I don't have to speak.

I realize that my ego can be too big even when it was on the brink of death.

It's too big and it wants people to know too many things that are unimportant.

I've decided that anytime I want to tell someone of something that happened, 

I'm not going to. 

I'm not going to tell people what I've been doing. Or what I think of doing.

Or what I should do. 

Because really it's unimportant to me. It's only important to my ego.

Which is only useful when I am creating. 

If I didn't have my ego there, I wouldn't be good at making art

Because I compete with myself. When My Self tells my other Self my work is dumb, 

It makes me want to kill it and make something that isn't so dumb.

So in other words, I fight myself. Life is like that. We fight ourselves.

Even if it's dumb.

So I've decided spoken words of what I do is unimportant. 

I just need to do it. And if people notice, then they notice.

If they don't notice, they weren't meant to.

And I  shouldn't care, because I'm the only person that should care if I notice.

Did I do what I told myself I would do?

Did I do it well?

Did I try to do what I thought about doing?

Did I do it with a smile and was it fun?

That's all that matters. 

None of this other stuff matters. 

Oh, it's a bonus if it makes other people smile.

Actually, that's mainly what I am here to do in life. 

Make people happy.

But I don't need to tell people that. 

I don't need to tell people that's what I'm trying to do. 

It doesn't matter. 

I love you for reading this. 

yes!

sorry I've been a little morbid, but I think I'm getting better now.
Whatever doesn't kill you can only make you stronger.
I just want everyone to know I love them.
Yes.
I love you.

If I die...

Please celebrate my life like they do for IZ at 2:45 in this song.
I've always wanted to be cremated and poured into the ocean.
Let no one be sad.

it started a bad morning

THIS IS A STICKER I DREW FOR A FRIEND I MET IN PHI PHI ISLAND

"Sunsets, oceans and mountains hold memories"

It started a bad morning.

I woke up with a nose bleed.

And then I had to trip my way to the toilet

and afterwards I cried hysterically for 10 minutes.

It was a bad morning, but let me tell you that I needed a damn good cry.

I was feeling bad. 

Not only did I just want to be better, but I wanted to be at home.

My real home. My home, home. Canada. 

Where there are no mosquitos that will give you Dengue Fever...

ha. At least not yet, thank goodness. 

So, after I had a good cry I passed out for the rest of the morning.

And then I spent the rest of the day with the shades open

listening to all my favourite old songs, like Somewhere Over the Rainbow by IZ

and Hyperballad by Bjork.

I cried again sometime before dinner, but I'm feeling better now.

In fact, I'm definitely happier. 

Everyone needs a good cry. It's been a while since I've cried.

I deserved it today. 

And now, I'm going to eat breakfast for dinner.

YUM. 

:D