model zone..

A new project I'm working on, with my girl Freya being the first. We may not be the stereotypical runway models, but we all face the highs and lows of the job. I want to find people that do it for the art, that respect themselves, their bodies and their morals.

the art of entertainment

I love cameras. You can capture just about any emotion through them and you can instill any emotion through their images. Within this past year my love for this medium has grown. Both photography and video are creative avenues that I recognize I want to explore for a long, long time. It's with all forms of creativity that I feel free. I have an opportunity to express myself by any means and by doing so I am completely limitless. I am lucky for this. I hope people know they too are limitless. There is a form of creativity in everyone screaming to come out. It's the perfect release and the perfect struggle, where the woes and joys of your day come out in one brush stroke, one click of the camera, one work of art. That is what I love about creativity. The fact that once it's completed, you can let it go. You never have to think about it again. And you can move forward.

ok go

Someone once said that when you try to battle your inner demons they get worse. That if you are trying to fight with your pain body, that it just holds on tighter. Today is an example of that day. The truth is I like it. I need these days. But then I think, will this just distance me more? Don't I look normal? Why is it then that I just don't want to be around many people that often? It's funny because whichever work I choose, I surround myself with people. I can be myself in that work environment and I never feel wrong being around everyone, socializing, delegating... But you take me out of that work situation and I can't enjoy it as much. I'm a little homebody. I go to work to be around people. I come home to be alone. I think of my dad. He doesn't have any friends except for his neighbours at the cottage, his family.. me. He's happy. I think the issue is still that at our age we try to fit in because that's what seems right. At my age, I don't think I'm like that. I need to be around fewer people so I don't have to feel a need to fit in because truthfully I don't care. It's all a show anyway. We're mostly ourselves when we're alone. Or maybe with that one special person. But even then... the time when you can most be yourself, free of any other thought, other voice, other influences, is when you're with you. Your demons and your thoughts and your feelings are the ones that know you best. They always said the path to enlightenment can be lonely. They said that sometimes you have to walk your own path to know yourself and be happy. It's a sacrifice many people are unwilling to take, which is why many people are truly unhappy. Then there is me. I find everything in myself that makes me unhappy and I sit there. I bath in it and I analyze everything that it is. I want to know where it comes from. I want to know how it feels and where in my body it touches. I know it's not permanent, but I want to know it anyway. Because when I'm happy, I'm really, really happy. The world and it's beauty touches me in ways that no human being can. I sang a song today... freestyled it with the guitar. One line in  it went "What makes me happiest isn't the same as what makes most. And I try to fit in to this society I'm living in but I won't and I'll be alone until I'm old."
I accept that feeling. It's real. No one knows how to feel anymore. No one wants to... they just bury it in other things that numb them. Don't feel bad for me when I'm sad. I'm doing all of it myself because I like it.

unresolved

So what is the matter then?
So screwed up in the mind.
I can't even explain.
I probably hate you and I fake to be kind.
Is that the case. Or is it so with a bottle of Tanduay.
You are angry you can't fit in and angry that you hurt within.
You want to be alone but you die for the company.
You sit on the fence and scream to be on both sides.
I think you suck.
That is all I have to say right now.
Because you don't know how to be you.

Camiguin

 The View from the Side of the Road

Camiguin Island

2010

 

A Bottle of Paper and Plastic

Enigmata TreeHouse

Mambajao, Camiguin Island

2010

 

The Sunken Cemetary

Camiguin Island

 2010

Fishermen

Camiguin Island

2010