Sleepy...

The alarm goes off at 5:45am. I roll over with a groggy head and silent the alarm on my phone. I know it will go off in 10 minutes time. I am so content where I am right now. I can feel the warm body next to me and I sigh happily as I turn into his side and fall back into a doze feeling him wrap his arm around me. We slumber comfortably until the alarm goes off again. With frustration I silence the horrible sound again. Why can't time just stand still right now? But I know it is inevitable that we must both go to work, so I try to cherish every minute I have. It feels so... nice. Have I ever woken up this happy? What did I do to deserve this? We shift positions and I turn with my back to him and smile as he moves in closer, to fill the space behind me. The alarm goes off again. I shut it off. This goes on for almost an hour. My day has started off in the best possible way.

People ask me where I find time to do everything that I do. I tell them, when you love something and you are passionate about it, time does not exist. I love many things so I always have plenty of time. I don't find time... I make it. I am the creator of time. My time. I also don't sleep much.

time alone

I need it. And sometimes I wish I had more of it. My battery seems to be extremely large and needs a lot of time to re-charge. Being alone does that. And these days, I've been feeling extremely.... introverted. I don't want to spend time with anyone. It's a struggle. I almost feel like I need to force myself to join society. I like one on one time. Time with people I don't have to talk to, listen to, or actually entertain. It's like I get an invitation and I shuffle around in my head wondering if this time will be more fun. More fun than staying at home. With myself and my cat. And then I go out, and I'm wishing I was back at home. What is the point? I am only happy when I am creating something. Not when I'm sitting at a table talking pointless babble to someone who doesn't really care. Or someone that actually only cares what I look like naked. Or someone that only really cares about their boyfriends. Or their money. I just don't care. Maybe that's why I envelope myself in my art, in my work, in creating... so I don't have to feel obligated to be a part of... lame conversations. Sigh. I hope this passes. Or I'll have to move into the bushes somewhere... somewhere far from society and only come into town to pick up more art supplies or collaborate on fascinating ideas with extremely fascinating, eccentric, wildly loving people.

Overwhelmed

I didn't think it was possible to get overwhelmed by your feelings for an activity. I also didn't think it was possible for a person such as myself to become overwhelmed by someone. But it has happened. I am completely devoted, ridiculously enamored, hopelessly head over heels and passionately in servitude for my best friend and for art. I can't even describe to you in words how intense it's becoming. Sometimes I can't even breathe. I can't even WRITE this. My heart fills up. My throat contracts. My insides ache for more. And it gets more intense when I think about the two. For fuck's sake, it's only 8am. I have to get ready for work. And the funny thing is. I'm so excited to get the work day over with. But not because it's over and I can go home and do nothing. But because I can go home and envelope myself in fun and creativity.. and when I'm lucky enough to have the same schedule, envelope myself in him.

mon amour..

Can it be so?

One can fall in love
And not know?
You can love someone
And not know you're in love?
There is no denying the heart,
When it chose from the start
Whom it couldn't bear to part.
Even if you tried.
Ah, denial.
Oblivious all the while,
When all the signs were apparent.
Clear.
I walked blind,
Memories on my mind
And thinking, when is my time?
When?
WHY?!
So silly of me, not to see.
But then again,
How could I know?
I had not yet grown.
I had no idea what love meant.
But in all this time that we've spent...
It's clear.
It was when I dropped all my fears
That I could grasp the concept
of love.
It took time,
But I know above all,
I needed to understand Love
before I could be in love.