I win

No games to be played
With this life that we made
Our first born son:
The greatest gift that I won

What is the sense

In keeping the pain so close.
What is the sense in continuing to hurt each other.
Why can't we just make it all right.
Space is what we need but yet space just doesn't feel right.
Heart break, heart break, heart break.

It wasn't too long ago...

Old photos
Taken at the happiest times,
When everything was new
And we remembered how to connect.
When petty problems were non-existent,
Because all we cared about was inhaling each others scent.
No music needed.
No cell phones.
No technology.
Just us,
The rise and fall of our breath,
The warmth of our embrace.
Nothing to keep us busy but ourselves.
We forgot how to take the time to soak in each others presence.
We let the daily stress overwhelm us.
We forgot how to laugh and play.
We forgot how to forget about the rest of the world when we looked in each others eyes.
But I remember everything with just one glimpse in the back of my minds eye.
How it felt.
One photo,
One song,
One scent.
There is nothing I would do different,
Because I experienced all of you -
Raw, open, cut, whole - you.
The very you that has left.
The very you that is hurt.
I still feel all of you because we are connected.
It's the only way we know how.
We just need to remember..
It wasn't that long ago.

Jealousy

In the end you won't kill your competition, you'll kill the one you say you love. You fear the loss of the one you love, yet jealousy will destroy the very thing you want the most.
Don't make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You must accept how you feel,
But not let it control you and consume your mind.

Time

It passes slowly when you watch it.
It makes you go crazy.
The more you want of it, the less you have.
The less you want it, the more you have.
How ridiculous it is to watch a pot boil.
But we do it. Day in and day out.
You sit there with your phone.
Checking the time.
Moving the mouse so the screensaver goes off, just to check the time.
Why is a watch called a watch if we weren't meant to watch time?
But souls, they don't know the difference.
Every second is eternity.
Every minute is forever.
In order to forget about time,
souls must be together.

- Mailyne

Sometimes

I love being a Mother.
But sometimes, I wish I could just enjoy the little things as easily as before.
Like something as simple as taking a walk at night and feel the snow fall down all around me.
Without having to worry about a babysitter. Or whether or not their car will get stuck in the car parking lot.

The day of love

It's not about chocolate
It's not about cards
It's all about what you feel
Coming from your heart
It's not about gifts
It's not about buying
It's all about how much
You're trying
To be a better husband, wife or friend
It's all about how much love and kindness you give in the end.

Happy Valentines Day!

A thought

Is it possible for one to need to never be attached, to be loosely loved at a distance yet loved closely at the same time. To love solitude more than companionship but need companionship to love solitude. Is it possible to be forever restless yet happy and miserable all at once. Is it the way for some to live, to need freedom yet crave togetherness and hate it when it comes, yet miss it when it's gone. Is it madness or is it part of what makes life so beautiful, amazing and unpredictable; the self torture that moves the spirit to create anything and everything.

I lied

That last post was a lie. I am not looking forward to winter. I hate the fucking cold.

Winter

By far my favourite part of winter is the first snow fall. When the flakes gently cover everything and each piece glistens in the light of the lamps. Yellow orange hues creating diamonds that are all different in every way. I'm waiting for you winter.

Look up

Perhaps it is the idle mind or idle hand that gets one thinking of travel. The most romantic way to see the world is as you go up and down through the clouds. Was I meant to be here only to fulfill one purpose? Am I pretending this is everything I dreamed of? Would it be different to see the world now that I have experiences everything I have ever dreamed of?

Alone together

I watched a TED talk that fascinated me. It was by a woman named Sherry Turkle on how technology has impacted our lives and not necessarily for the better. I haven't stopped thinking about it. In fact it's led me to be more aware of how often I'm on my phone, how often I check my mail etc etc. It affects the way we communicate. It affects who we are. We can no longer have conversations without our mind wandering, without our hands idling or reaching for our phone to text. We can't sit and interact as well as before and we most certainly have forgotten how to be alone. I lay here and type this wondering how it came to this.. Me in the dark typing my thoughts on a screen, my pen and paper long forgotten. Well I think it is time to go back. Reconnect the proper way. Talk, Write, focus on one thing. Be alone. Be silent. Be in peace.

Lost

I fear I have been sucked in.
Lost to my way.
I have forgotten what I came to do
And now I must do what it takes
To give back.
To be me again.
To be true to all of my Self.

What happened?

Where it comes from

Abandonment is the fear you have when you are adopted. It's so deep that often you don't realize you fear it, so you spend the majority of your life being afraid of being alone. Yet unconsciously, you have relationships where in the end, you end up alone.

But it all comes from somewhere. The hurt you feel comes from a past event in which you have not dealt with. You have not given time for it to play out in your mind and to be forgiven.

Do so now.

(A note in my iPhone written on June 7, 2012)

Testing

I forget about this sometimes.
Simple writing.
No thoughts, no "I should write this."
Just mindless banter.
Freestyle.

-Mailyne

Random E-mails

I just received this e-mail and I don't know who this person is, but whoever Siggi is, thank you.

"You have no idea, the great things that are about to happen to you,
The great endeavors you will do. How you will inspire others to succeed. You have only caught a glimpse of all of the wonderful things that shall come to pass.

And if people offer their help or wisdom as you go through life, accept it gratefully. You can learn much from those who have gone before you but never be afraid or hesitant to step off the accepted path and head off in your own direction, if your heart tells you that it's the right way for you. Always believe that you will ultimately succeed at whatever you do, and never forget the value of persistence, discipline, and determination.

You are meant to be whatever you dream of becoming."

  

Siggi

Grey skies

Don't mention it
How the skies cloud me
When the world is grey
The windows blur green
And the sky slowly breathes
Cloud covers me like a blanket
To suffocate me
The sun is there somewhere
The blue tints poke through
This is the start of November

Autumn

Cool air
The smell of damp leaves
Pumpkins
Orange
Yellow
Red
Beautiful, beautiful
A time for change
Preparation for grey skies
Sweaters and boots
Golden sunsets
Trees shedding
Ready to hibernate
Ready for winter
Ready for another cycle

Rain

It's lovely when it rains. It washes away any feelings leftover, the kind that you can't shake but cling to your skin like sticky ice cream. When it rains the world inside you opens up and releases a flood that is free to escape and pour down sewers to creeks where eventually it finds the ocean. Your thoughts and emotions go back to where they came from: out there.

Anger

Sometimes the things that make you angry are small and instigated
merely by words of another. Why is that so. Our mind chooses to react
in certain ways that seem beyond our control. Really the best way to
ease it all is simply to step back from the situation and observe it.
It's then when you can recognize where your anger is coming from.

--
www.mailyne.com