A thought

Is it possible for one to need to never be attached, to be loosely loved at a distance yet loved closely at the same time. To love solitude more than companionship but need companionship to love solitude. Is it possible to be forever restless yet happy and miserable all at once. Is it the way for some to live, to need freedom yet crave togetherness and hate it when it comes, yet miss it when it's gone. Is it madness or is it part of what makes life so beautiful, amazing and unpredictable; the self torture that moves the spirit to create anything and everything.

I lied

That last post was a lie. I am not looking forward to winter. I hate the fucking cold.

Winter

By far my favourite part of winter is the first snow fall. When the flakes gently cover everything and each piece glistens in the light of the lamps. Yellow orange hues creating diamonds that are all different in every way. I'm waiting for you winter.

Look up

Perhaps it is the idle mind or idle hand that gets one thinking of travel. The most romantic way to see the world is as you go up and down through the clouds. Was I meant to be here only to fulfill one purpose? Am I pretending this is everything I dreamed of? Would it be different to see the world now that I have experiences everything I have ever dreamed of?

Alone together

I watched a TED talk that fascinated me. It was by a woman named Sherry Turkle on how technology has impacted our lives and not necessarily for the better. I haven't stopped thinking about it. In fact it's led me to be more aware of how often I'm on my phone, how often I check my mail etc etc. It affects the way we communicate. It affects who we are. We can no longer have conversations without our mind wandering, without our hands idling or reaching for our phone to text. We can't sit and interact as well as before and we most certainly have forgotten how to be alone. I lay here and type this wondering how it came to this.. Me in the dark typing my thoughts on a screen, my pen and paper long forgotten. Well I think it is time to go back. Reconnect the proper way. Talk, Write, focus on one thing. Be alone. Be silent. Be in peace.

Lost

I fear I have been sucked in.
Lost to my way.
I have forgotten what I came to do
And now I must do what it takes
To give back.
To be me again.
To be true to all of my Self.

What happened?

Where it comes from

Abandonment is the fear you have when you are adopted. It's so deep that often you don't realize you fear it, so you spend the majority of your life being afraid of being alone. Yet unconsciously, you have relationships where in the end, you end up alone.

But it all comes from somewhere. The hurt you feel comes from a past event in which you have not dealt with. You have not given time for it to play out in your mind and to be forgiven.

Do so now.

(A note in my iPhone written on June 7, 2012)

Testing

I forget about this sometimes.
Simple writing.
No thoughts, no "I should write this."
Just mindless banter.
Freestyle.

-Mailyne