the scene

Is done. I would rather stay home then have to endure that again. Sigh. Every time I tell myself, I'll go out... it'll be fun, my girls are there, people I haven't seen in a while, whatever. And so I go. And I just remember why I rarely go out in the first place. What for? I don't like drinking anymore. I don't really like crowds. The places I go have shitty rap that I can't stand. There is no soul in these words and why am I paying to not have fun? To be fair, I do see some pretty cool cats that inspire me. And when I say pretty, they are pretty. And I can have fun sober.. in my own little mind, envisioning my own cozy home.. dancing around to another rhythm in my head.

ps.

because what I wake up for every day, and some days grudgingly leave the comfort of home for; what I call "work" I have now actually understood that it too is an art. It is not just a means to an end. And it is not just to pay my bills. It is my education. I am fortunate that in my profession, art and creativity come with the package and it is a bonus that it helps to pay the bills.

Like a crockpot...

Over the past few days I have noticed a change in myself and in the way that I operate at work. The place that I once felt love for, then irritation and frustration has now settled into a steady constant plateau. I have accepted that I will remain here for at least a little longer. Who knows when until, but while I am there I have decided (and I am inspired to use the term from my freewill astrology) to be like a crockpot; gradual, deliberate and thorough. Not only in my work, but in my art. I will feel at peace while I work. I will only do my work with the utmost quality, and I will try to achieve the best for myself in what I do. I will allow myself the freedom to learn, but I will have the confidence in myself that every move, every action, every creation be done with care. Quality. Control. I will focus on nothing but that task at hand as if I am sculpting a statue of gold. The only gold in the world. To put in the focus on that one task and do it well and with love, without criticizing myself or my work and also not mind anyone's opinions.. that is all I ask of myself. To be like a crockpot, cooking on slow heat, doing it's job and cooking up something entirely delicious, aromatic and to perfection.

Sleepy...

The alarm goes off at 5:45am. I roll over with a groggy head and silent the alarm on my phone. I know it will go off in 10 minutes time. I am so content where I am right now. I can feel the warm body next to me and I sigh happily as I turn into his side and fall back into a doze feeling him wrap his arm around me. We slumber comfortably until the alarm goes off again. With frustration I silence the horrible sound again. Why can't time just stand still right now? But I know it is inevitable that we must both go to work, so I try to cherish every minute I have. It feels so... nice. Have I ever woken up this happy? What did I do to deserve this? We shift positions and I turn with my back to him and smile as he moves in closer, to fill the space behind me. The alarm goes off again. I shut it off. This goes on for almost an hour. My day has started off in the best possible way.

People ask me where I find time to do everything that I do. I tell them, when you love something and you are passionate about it, time does not exist. I love many things so I always have plenty of time. I don't find time... I make it. I am the creator of time. My time. I also don't sleep much.