ok go

Someone once said that when you try to battle your inner demons they get worse. That if you are trying to fight with your pain body, that it just holds on tighter. Today is an example of that day. The truth is I like it. I need these days. But then I think, will this just distance me more? Don't I look normal? Why is it then that I just don't want to be around many people that often? It's funny because whichever work I choose, I surround myself with people. I can be myself in that work environment and I never feel wrong being around everyone, socializing, delegating... But you take me out of that work situation and I can't enjoy it as much. I'm a little homebody. I go to work to be around people. I come home to be alone. I think of my dad. He doesn't have any friends except for his neighbours at the cottage, his family.. me. He's happy. I think the issue is still that at our age we try to fit in because that's what seems right. At my age, I don't think I'm like that. I need to be around fewer people so I don't have to feel a need to fit in because truthfully I don't care. It's all a show anyway. We're mostly ourselves when we're alone. Or maybe with that one special person. But even then... the time when you can most be yourself, free of any other thought, other voice, other influences, is when you're with you. Your demons and your thoughts and your feelings are the ones that know you best. They always said the path to enlightenment can be lonely. They said that sometimes you have to walk your own path to know yourself and be happy. It's a sacrifice many people are unwilling to take, which is why many people are truly unhappy. Then there is me. I find everything in myself that makes me unhappy and I sit there. I bath in it and I analyze everything that it is. I want to know where it comes from. I want to know how it feels and where in my body it touches. I know it's not permanent, but I want to know it anyway. Because when I'm happy, I'm really, really happy. The world and it's beauty touches me in ways that no human being can. I sang a song today... freestyled it with the guitar. One line in  it went "What makes me happiest isn't the same as what makes most. And I try to fit in to this society I'm living in but I won't and I'll be alone until I'm old."
I accept that feeling. It's real. No one knows how to feel anymore. No one wants to... they just bury it in other things that numb them. Don't feel bad for me when I'm sad. I'm doing all of it myself because I like it.

unresolved

So what is the matter then?
So screwed up in the mind.
I can't even explain.
I probably hate you and I fake to be kind.
Is that the case. Or is it so with a bottle of Tanduay.
You are angry you can't fit in and angry that you hurt within.
You want to be alone but you die for the company.
You sit on the fence and scream to be on both sides.
I think you suck.
That is all I have to say right now.
Because you don't know how to be you.

Camiguin

 The View from the Side of the Road

Camiguin Island

2010

 

A Bottle of Paper and Plastic

Enigmata TreeHouse

Mambajao, Camiguin Island

2010

 

The Sunken Cemetary

Camiguin Island

 2010

Fishermen

Camiguin Island

2010

Enigmata TreeHouse in Mumbajao, Camiguin Island

The walkway from the entrance of Enigmata

The inside of the main area

I have had the pleasure of experiencing a place like no other, but with hopes that there will be more like it. This humble ecolodge tucked away in the forest of Maubog, Balbog, Mumbajao, Camiguin Island has brought me inspiration and a sense of peace. And I soaked up those forests as much as I could. Ok, well technically it's not really a forest, but the entrance is so neatly hidden among the foliage of flowering vines, giant leaves and palms and green, luscious grass that it reminded me of the Secret Garden.

Enigmata is a center dedicated to sustainable living, creativity, and fostering knowledge and imagination in children. It was started by a few humble artists and musicians, whom I have yet to really have the honor of getting to know. But walking around the camp, you can almost sense their presence and hear their inner voices. I explored, excitedly, every nook and cranny, soaking up as much inspiration and imagining the thoughts of the creators as they created this place. Vines grew with wild abandon over the mixture of wood and bamboo, providing shade in almost every part of the camp. The walls were all different, intricate designs fashioned from bottles, wooden support beams of branches preserved in their natural state. Every bit constructed with love and adding to the atmosphere and homey feel the place had.

There were various rooms which we could sleep in, the eagles room, the bartenders room or the backpackers room. We stayed in the backpackers room, which meant we climbed up wooden stairs, fashioned out of imperfect planks of wood to our bed protected by a mosquito net. It really felt like the best TreeHouse I've ever been in. Art adorned the whole encampment, from the plants, the walls, the floors, to the paintings, to the necklaces, to the lights. Energy efficient lightbulbs were used and recycled plastic made up a few lamps, walls and even ceiling decorations. The bottles which were lined in the walls, made way for a colorful room when the sun shone through it. A murky looking pool gave shelter to about 5 turtles, all happily swimming around and poking their heads up to stare at us. There were cats and dogs roaming free, all well-fed, presumably off the mice that would visit us in the night and any leftovers the kitchen would have. You could smell the trees, hear the wind and feel the earth around you. If you needed a place to clear your mind and your heart, this place is it. There are no air conditioners and yet we were surprising cool, even as we slept. We would wake up to a cacophony of roosters, birds, cows, and other foreign animals as the sun broke through the loft in which we slept. We felt perfectly safe and comfortable.


But don't expect a full service resort. This is a little humble home to a few artists and musicians that try to live by the day. You won't always get what you want because they maybe will only go to the market once a day. If that. They waste nothing, but their foods are incredibly fresh and delicious. Our 3 days only gave us time to try for breakfast: the green omelette, made with tomatoes, onions, wild ferns and cheese, a pinoy medley of fried rice and eggs, and french toast and natural lemonade, and for dinner: a banana shake, a fresh, delicious veggie pizza, and 2 types of pasta, my favourite being the pasta basilica. For lunch we made it into town, stopping at a restaurant by the ocean.

The days were filled with visiting the Ardent hot springs, a small resort surrounding hot springs and pools. We were told many people come to heal, and I wouldn't doubt it as the warm water seemed to soothe my aches and cleansed my skin. The following day we made it around the whole entire island, making a stop at a cliff which over-looked the Bohol Sea, and the sunken cemetery where a giant cross sits in a bit of an intimidating manner about 50ft from shore and stood 30-40ft high. I felt a little strange thinking about swimming over peoples graves, but we snorkeled around and floated around the giant cross and thankfully there are no skeletons or grave stones. I guess they were all buried underneath the cross. We observed all the fishes which have made their home beside the cross. This place actually had the most fish I've seen in all the places I've snorkeled in the Philippines*.

The whole island is beautiful and in roughly 2 hours you can tour around it. Each area of holds its own romantic aura and leaves room for exploration. The island is surrounded by seven volcanoes, the most famous being Mt. Hibok-Hibok, which rises high in the center of the island and can be seen from miles away. There are tours which allows you to climb it, although you do need to be fit. Camiguin Island is wonderful and I never wanted to leave. Perhaps it was Enigmata, or perhaps it was the whole nature of the place, but it captures a large part you and leaves an imprint in your heart. I will be back there again and I am so thankful I had the opportunity to visit. It just so happened it was on Thanksgiving.

To visit the lodge or learn more, please check out their website:
http://camiguinecolodge.com/


*I suppose there haven't been many places I've snorkeled, but you can see the dead reefs and the over fishing done here is quite alarming and really turns me off from eating fish. 

Being silent

It's my second day of trying to be quiet and it's really hard not to speak.
I wonder if the little girl I met in Southern Leyte wants to speak all the time.
She's apparently a mute, but to me she's perfect.
When I first got off the bangka and met her on the beach, she just smiled and walked in the water next to me.
Her silence, even though it would be a "condition" was special.
It's special when you can be silent and still feel a presence... being able to communicate with no sound and still expel love. That's special.
Anyway, I realized that I try to speak more when I'm angry, but it's the best time for me to recognize my emotions. When you're angry most of the time you just want to speak it out loud and often in results in someone feeling hurt... or whatever. The damage is often on yourself because you don't recognize what it is that is making you angry. Just yesterday, my first day being silent, I learned that being angry is just an energy. And it can be laughed at, especially when you can feel the signs that your body sends you.
It was nice to know that my friends respected it. I met up with them in a cafe for lunch today, and everyone talked to me normally anyway... and laughed when I tried to reply in the form of charades.
I carry a pen and paper with me and when I bring it out, it's often the sign that I've failed in charades communication. It's funny though.. communication is often what we have problems with as humans, even when we can speak out loud. I wonder what I'll learn out of all this, and how long it will continue for, but I'm really enjoying it. It's fun and really interesting. I think maybe in the end it will just teach me how to listen more... to myself and others. A lot of people really don't have anything important to say... they just like to fill in the silence. I think when I do speak, it will have to worth talking about.

Tomorrow I will be going to Camiguin. It's a little island just north of Mindanao. The place where I'll be staying at is a little resort called Enigmata, which is dedicated to art and sustainable living. They hold workshops for kids on the weekend and I spoke to the artists and the owner. They told me I could do art with the kids. The best part about being with children and doing art, is no one has to say anything.

This is the type of place where I can be in silence and be at peace... I'll have to tell you how it goes.

If you want to see where I'll be, check out their website:
Enigmata TreeHouse Eco lodge